I remember back in 2014 at the height of the campaign the Queen when asked for her thoughts on independence said she hoped voters would “Think very carefully about the future.” And how she purred like a kitten on being told of the result of the referendum. I have a feeling her majesty may still be purring, however, just to make sure the people of Scotland continue to ‘think very carefully about the future she is to lead a charm offensive to save the union.
“Operation, save the union. The Queen will lead a Royal charm offensive to encourage Scotland to resist demands of nationalists for independence and William and Kate are expected to play a key role.”
Did no one tell the palace that her Majesty need not concern herself, that her precious union is safe in the hands of Sturgeon, that the carrots worked a treat and the people had been tricked once more. Therefore, there was no need for the Duke of Cambridge to come to bear his soul.
“Scotland is incredibly important to me and Scotland will always have a special place in my heart.” Towering over everyone, the Prince began. ” I’ve been coming to Scotland since I was a small boy. As I grew up, I saw how my grandmother relishes every minute she spends here, and my father is never happier than walking among the hills.”
I am sure the Royals wish to keep it that way, last thing they need is a Republic of Scotland.
“My childhood was full of holidays, having fun in the fresh air, swimming in lochs, family barbecues with my grandfather in command and yes, the odd midge.”
How very endearing to mention the little blighters, our beloved midges, perhaps someone briefed him to mention the bugs, we would like that.
“I spent four very happy and formative years studying at St Andrew’s the town and the students left me alone to get on the student life, allowing me to share their freedoms and their pubs.”
Yes, mention pubs, Scots like their pubs, I can just see them now. Smiling happily as they search for something we Scots would identify with.
“I did training as a pilot in Inverness as well as enjoying the camaraderie of my colleagues it was a privilege to see the majestic sights of Scotland from the air.”
Oh god, someone help me, I am feeling quite nauseated now!
“In short Scotland is the source of some of my happiest memories but also my saddest. I was in Balmoral when I was told that my mother had died. Still in shock I found sanctuary in the service at Crathie Kirk that very morning, and in the dark days of grief that followed.”
I do have empathy, for that must have been the worst pain for any child.
“I found comfort and solace in the Scottish outdoors as a result the connection I feel to Scotland will forever run deep and yet alongside this painful memory is one of great joy because it was here in Scotland 20 years ago this year that I first met Catherine.”
Where did I put my fiddle?
“Needless to say the time where you meet your future wife holds a very special place in your heart. George, Charlotte, and Louis already know how dear Scotland is to both of us and they’re starting to build their own happy memories here too. We have no doubt they will grasp sharing our love and connection to Scotland from the Highlands to the central belt from the islands to the borders…”
In other words, we are the ‘Royal Family’, born to rule, and we are going to make sure you know you love us.